What it is Cuz?

Realization

2011-03-08T18:06:00.001-05:00

I have realized so much about myself. I jumped from woman to woman in the past because they all offered something different.... Plus I was a little full of myself and it was about conquering as many as I could... I think. Plus being hurt by someone you really care about makes you think about why you choose them in the first place. I think back to people like Angie who I thought was the love of my life. I thought that we worked perfectly together and that she was the one.... And them my thoughts changed to I hope she is the one to... I thought she was the one to... I wish she was the one. I tried to make all of the bad things she did, not so bad. And after she did the last thing... I think I fell out of love. Time past and we tried to believe that our original feelings would surpass all odds.
I wanted it to....
But it didn't and I was left with so much hate for her and so much hate for women. The curse she had on me was finally broken and I had no need for her any more.
So that's when I decided that there is no perfect women. There is always at least one good thing about every women and I wanted feel and taste that one part... All of them
So surrounding myself with many women
Figuring out what was there good part
And only being apart of that was what I cared about
... something as small as being a good cook. I would come over and have you cook for me- and that it. No sex, no cuddling, no hanging out. I would use you for the one think I thought was great about you. And as soon as I figured out that one thing, I didn't really want to know anymore about you. .... Crazy right
And fucked up

Our Downfall

2009-11-13T07:24:00.003-05:00

We had another one of those talks…
A talk about the discipline of the child
And it ended the same way it always does…
Back to all the things that are going to change but don’t
To be honest, I don’t want her to change
I don’t want to be bothered with any of it anymore

4 years and we’re still talkin’ about it

So why should I think anything will change?

I’m better off not saying anything

I just need to let it fail by itself

but I feel like if I just wait for it, I’m wasting time

So I guess from this point on, I need to be prepared for the worst at all times

To be continued

The Single Life

2009-11-13T07:24:00.001-05:00

I think about the single life pretty frequently.

that’s probably a bad thing

About being able to run freely and do whatever I want…I miss that

I use to go out

but now I have to worry about the arguement I’m going to have as soon as I get home

But now…

I have a wife and kid

A family to support

I hate sharing

to be continued…

The Ex

2009-11-13T07:22:00.001-05:00

She comes and goes in my life.

I think when the feelings are unbearable, she goes…

I guess if it didn’t end so ugly, we would probably be as close as we use to be… at least the friendship

and I miss that

I miss the fun and laughter

she’s got me thinkin

with all of the convo of the past and what is wanted now, I’m not sure how to react or think

do the thoughts make me a bad person or even a cheater?

The Past has spoiled everything

I feel like the it bad has outweighed the good and I don’t know if I could ever look past it

even with all of the words that have been expressed …

they seem very… basic

None of them really express how she really feels about me…The Ex

Just coating

She wants this moment with me

Probably physical

but the physical would never be enough to change my thoughts

I need the Verbal

to be continued…

Amy

2009-09-07T20:48:00.000-04:00

Alias Sketchbook Pro

2009-09-07T20:15:00.001-04:00

My Siamese Cat

2009-08-10T09:57:00.002-04:00

first sketch of my siamese cat in Anime studio. Working on the whiskers soon

Revamped Anime Studio Head

2009-08-10T09:52:00.002-04:00

The changes that have been made

Anime Studio Debut 6

2009-07-29T00:27:00.004-04:00

So this was my first stab at Anime Studio Debut. I bought the program about 3 weeks ago and never really did anything with it but read and follow the tutorials. It's not as hard as I thought it would be. This character is pre-animation but hopefully soon I'l have somethin'. Took me about 2 hours off and on... so probably 45 minutes. I was figurin' out how to do things while I was doing it. I probably will keep the character in the future but edit it/ clean it up.

Michael Jackson - Corel Painters Essentials 4

2009-07-17T11:24:00.001-04:00

my first painting on a wacom

2009-07-16T19:09:00.003-04:00

This is my first painting on a Wacom Bamboo Fun using Corel Painter Essentials 4. I don't really know what I'm doing.

A Tribe Called Quest - Find A Way

2009-07-16T17:39:00.001-04:00

The Cool Kids - Black Mags

2009-07-16T17:30:00.001-04:00